Monday, January 14, 2008

I honestly love you

Confessional 36
I think it is funny that in public we look like a regular couple, and compared to others we seem so normal. If only people knew what we are like in public! We are the definition of dysfunctional. Our fights are violent, physical and loud, screaming matches, we swear like British sailors. If people knew the real us they would wonder why we are even together.

Confessional 37
Babe, you have gotten really fat! Seriously hunny it seems like you gained 40 lbs in a month. You keep eating fatty foods and snacks and drinking, it isn't helping your love handles. And not being able to fit into your jeans should kinda be a wake up call for you. Go back to the gym.

Confessional 38
I think I am addicted to porn, I am so sorry you feel hurt. I am ashamed that I don't have more self control as a woman, I mean you don't look at the stuff. Please try not to be disgusted with me.

Confessional 39
You being a cart boy at the grocery store kind of embarrasses me. Can you please try for something better? And for godsakes get your damn degree already, you have been in college 5 years.

Confessional 40
I am pregnant, I am scared you aren't ready. I am also scared we will regret everything in life from this point on. I wanted a baby but after you mature some. I am praying for a girl so a little boy doesn't grow up to be like you and every male in your family.

Confessional 41

You need to get your vagina fixed, I love saying that to you, because you are such a manly man, but youact like such a woman when it comes to sex. I am full, not in the mood, oh the mood is gone, I am tired. BLAH BLAH BLAH. You are a guy so why does it take so much to get you in the sack?

Friday, December 28, 2007

If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting

Sorry for such a space between posts, but we were low on the confessionals! Keep on sending them in girlfriends!

Confessional 31
I love the ring, it is beautiful. It was a great Christmas present, even if we picked it out together, and it wasn't a surprise. The only problem is I cannot bear to part with it to get it sized, it is a little bit too big. I just don't want to be without it for a week. I am so attached!

Confessional 32
Ugh Ugh Ugh. Why do you insist on touching my radio? When we are in your car we listen to your crap music, so how come you think in my car we have to listen to your crap music? My car My music!

Confessional 33
Our four year anniversary was great, it was just nice, quiet, good dinner, I love you so much, I love that we have been together for four years, up and down, but overall great. I love you!

Confessional 34
I have made a decision, one more year. If you do not propose in the next year, I am done. I can't wait anymore on I don't knows and unsure answers. Either I am the one or I am not. I want to start a life with you, start a future, a family. I just want to know that there will be a future for us.

Confessional 35
You know how I joke about your mom being mean? I am not actually joking. She is really a huge rude bitch. I mean she is just not a nice person. You say she doesn't like me because I go out of my way to ignore her. I go out of my way because her mean attitude makes me uncomfortable. I am not looking forward to her as a mother in law.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue

Confession 25
You are my boyfriend of so many years, so tell me why do I dream about him at least once a week? They are always so vivid and crazy and full of passion, the dream I had last night we kissed and kissed and kissed. You have not kissed me in over a year. I used to dream about you....

Confession 26
That moment, that one moment where you and I finds the exact same thing so incredibly funny that we laugh and laugh and laugh until we can barely breathe, like finding something on a movie and rewinding it a million times and barely stopping ourselves from peeing our pants. In that moment I can believe again I can spend my life with you.

Confession 27
You are such an asshole, you ditch me for your dumb friends. I know what you are doing you make plans with me and then they call and you break your plans with me so that they know you are in control of the relationship and that I do not control you in anyway. But it was our first date night in a while. I needed it.

Confession 28
When I tell you I am in physical pain you totally just brush me off like it is nothing. HELP ME! you are the one in training to be and RN why can't you tell me what is wrong when you know I just can't afford another Dr. visit?

Confession 29
People think you are abusive. I think it is funny. You are abusive. But little do they know I abuse you too.

Confession 30
I almost bought this absolutely beautiful CZ engagement and wedding band set from Avon. It was $30 for the pair and I wanted to wear it and pretend we were engaged. We will never be engaged but that is what I wanted for the style and size of stone and band. I couldn't buy it though, because it was fake, I know it was fake, fake like this relationship that is going no where.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Let's see how far we've come....

Sorry the confessions have been piling up! We were busy not celebrating sweetest day, and other random IMPORTANT anniversaries.....

I tried to cheat on you last night. You ditched me so I put on my hooker boots and a short skirt and did my hair and makeup. I was so flippin hot it wasn't even funny. Grabbed some friends and went to the bar, where I proceeded to drink and drink and drink. And I flirted with that guy who you think is just a "friend" god did I flirt, and I tried to get a damn kiss or some action, something. But nope didn't get anywhere with him. But I tried. And I feel bad and guilty and more alive than I have in the past year.

Tonight is the anniversary of the first time we made love. Four years ago this very day. And you would have rathered have gone to Hooters (which you did) than see me. Why can't you care about what makes us a couple as much as I do. Why can't you realize that four years ago I gave my body and heart to you completely and all you ever do is stomp all over it?

Is it weird that I think about him more than I think about you? I think it is weird. And I want him out of my head, and I want to be happy being bored with you. Bored and happy and fat. Only I am bored and fat, and so so unhappy.

I am your girlfriend. I am right? So when were you planning on telling me that you have a crazy ex? I mean a psycho ex who is threatening to kill me? And threatening to kill our dog? Um, just wondering if you were ever planning on sharing that little detail that affects my well being? I will give you the credit that she is so beautiful, but damn she is not right in the head. But if she touches my dog, she will be the one dead. You better do something about her and quick.

Sometimes I think you are so immature that I feel like I am babysitting. What am I going to do with you? You are such a little man boy. Minus the man of course. I need adult time, I need adult conversations. Haven't you been getting my hints where I tell you to read a certain book, or go to coffee houses with me, or talking about taking dance classes. Life has so much to offer and so much opportunity to learn and grow. But we are just not growing, growing apart maybe but I want to grow with you and be fun educated interesting adults. We aren't going to get any younger.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Love love me do

Confession 16
I love that when we talk about our hypothetical future children you get all protective and manly when we talk about if we had girls and they had boyfriends. You are so funny talking about how you would never let our daughter date someone like you, because of all the things we did when we were younger. I think you will make an excellent father and I hope I get to know that part of you soon.

Confession 17
How do I love thee? So many many ways. You are so completely wonderful to me I cannot even explain it. Sometimes I cannot believe how big of a jerk you can be, but that is natural, you can't always be perfectly nice, I know I am a huge bitch a lot of the time. But when we are laying there in the dark and you bury your face in my hair and kiss my neck I know that all the petty fights and arguments mean nothing compared to moments like this. I believe that we were made for each other, we are opposite and the exact same. You are my half and I am yours. We are going to have a wonderful life together I cannot wait to grow old with you.

Confession 18
I think we are going to be ok... eventually.... not now..... not for a long time. Eventually it will be natural and not forced, eventually it will be thoughtful and romantic and happy again. I am willing to stick it out, because waiting for it to be how great it was is easy. Knowing that we can possibly get back to how great we were makes the hurt of waiting a little easier. I have waited for you and for so many things in this relationship. I know what it feels like to wait.

Confession 19
I know my role in this relationship. I know I have to be the strong one, the fighter, the do-er. Because if left up to you we would be over, because you believe it is easier to walk away and deal with the pain then to be together and work through our issues. You hate talking and you would rather be indifferent then cry with me. So I will fight and work and talk even when you don't want to hear me anymore. Because I believe you are the one, I cannot believe that I actually still believe that but that kiss that wonderful tender kiss the other night that made me weep after you left is why I still know you are the one. I did not weep for sadness but I wept for joy that I can feel so much with the slightest kiss from you, that my heart felt so full that I thought it would burst out of me and that is why I wept.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The longest confessional

Since this Girlfriend took the time to type all this out I am going to give her one whole post to herself. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP GIRL!

Man oh Man you really are a piece of work. You are something else. How did I ever get so freaking lucky? Other people get to win the lottery, I got the world's worst Boyfriend.
FIRST the thing that is literally killing our relationship. Your addiction to PORN. It is gross. IS IT NORMAL???? I do not know because I sure as hell do not think it is. I think it is gross perverted and nasty. I think a grown man in his 20's who has a girlfriend should not be looking at Porn. I think you should stop, I want you to stop, you should stop because it makes me feel nasty disrespected and like I am dating a humongous pervert. Seriously what is wrong with you? Is normal good clean sex not good enough. Obviously not since you choose to watch Nasty porn and wank off everyday. Yeah and it is not like I can go around asking random people if their boyfriends/husbands watch computer porno and if it is normal. So I guess I have no clue if it is normal, but I know I need you to stop, and you won't....
SECOND, honey I think you are turning into an Alky. You have blown me off on more than one occasion to drink, you cannot go one week without drinking. You have been drinking since you were 15, and I really do not see how it is going to stop in the near future.
GOD I just do not know. We have been together for SIX years, I do not remember knowing all these things about you for the first five years. But this last year, the fights, finding out your DIRTY lil secrets, this last year has killed me. This last year has made me lose so much respect for you and hate you somedays. How did we get like this? How I just don't understand. I believed with all my heart you were the one I wanted to build a life with, I believed I found the man that had fixed my heart and accepted by quirky uniqueness. I just feel like I have no idea who you have turned into anymore. Who are you? You are not the man that asked me out. You are not the man that has let me see his tears and his fears and vunerabilities. I hate who you have become. This Jerk, this tight ass UNFUN Addicted to Porn and booze and GOD knows what else.
You have broken me. You literally have made it so I never want to love another man again. I would rather die alone then have to go through this with another person. I am so afraid that if I left you and got close to another man he would be just like you. No one deserves the kind of lover that you are.
I wish one of us would put me out of my misery.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Friday confessionals

I am just going to keep pushing you away. I thought you were the one and the realization that you aren't is more than I can take sometimes and it is all I can do to get through the day thinking about it.

I wish I could take back the moment you asked me out I would fucking say NO, I would say no and RUN away from you, You are such a coward.

You are mainly the reason I had to get on anti-depression medication. I hate you a little for it, but I feel a lot better, if you didn't make me so depressed I wanted to kill myself every second of every day I probably never would have gotten on the medicine, I know I would have killed myself.

Sometimes the only reason I have sex with you is so that you don't look at porn and jerk off as much, because I think it is the most disgusting nasty thing a man can do. And I would rather be bored having sex with you then feel nasty just sitting next to you.

I don't know if I am in love with you, or just really obsessed with you. Love and hate are really the same and I am having a hard time figuring it out....

I hate having to give you ultimatums. YOU should figure out you want to marry me and stop talking to that skanky ex girlfriend.